"Lasts" are so hard.
This is the last night I'll be at this house. Tomorrow, the last time I'll wake up in this room.
I guess the hardest will be the last look I have at this room, this house that I've lived in for the past three years.
Lasts are so hard.
The pain goes away; I think it's the hardest at during the time leading up to the moment, the moment itself, and then a short time after it. It soon fades, usually quicker that you expected.
But it's still hard, right now.
Like when Little Women was going to end.
The last time I would wear that cape, or that dress, or say those lines, or be that character...
So many lasts.
The new house has none of the memories that this one holds.
And yet, in a year and a half, I know I will be leaving that house to go to college, and thinking of lasts again. And at that time, I will be missing that house and the memories there, more than I'll remember this apartment.
But for now, I suddenly see details in this place that I never cared to see before.
You start noticing things when something's about to end.
Torn between wanting to go on a rant and say everything about how I love this place, but maybe I shouldn't. I should let these last few hours here be happy, productive ones. I should rejoice in the good times I've had here, and the fact that I have been so blessed to live in this awesome place for three years. I will miss it, but it's only because it has been a good time. If it was bad, I wouldn't be sad to leave.
And everything is temporal, anyway. There're other things I've left behind, and slowly the memories have faded, receded into the distance. This will, too. Eventually.
But it's hard now.
My last blog entry typed at this desk, this room, this apartment. With this weather, these sounds, this feel.
The last time I'll get to live as I've been used to for the last three years, with the murmur of the tv coming from dad's room, the whoosh of airplanes over head, these sounds, this view from my window... the last time I'll get to see these lights, the airport, the highway... the last time I'll fall asleep and wake up to these familiar surroundings... It's too hard.
I pray God give me strength to not be too upset and overly-sentimental, as I have to tendency to be. I pray that I can smile and quiet fondness as I look around the room and let my eyes take in these sights for the last few times, let this cold wind blow nostalgically around me for a few more hours, let the memories reply and bound throughout the house, echoing down through my mind...
And I pray that I will be thankful for it all, and God will see me through till tomorrow when I will take my one
last
look.
