"Lasts" are so hard.

This is the last night I'll be at this house. Tomorrow, the last time I'll wake up in this room.
I guess the hardest will be the last look I have at this room, this house that I've lived in for the past three years.
Lasts are so hard.
The pain goes away; I think it's the hardest at during the time leading up to the moment, the moment itself, and then a short time after it. It soon fades, usually quicker that you expected.
But it's still hard, right now.

Like when Little Women was going to end.
The last time I would wear that cape, or that dress, or say those lines, or be that character...
So many lasts.

The new house has none of the memories that this one holds.
And yet, in a year and a half, I know I will be leaving that house to go to college, and thinking of lasts again. And at that time, I will be missing that house and the memories there, more than I'll remember this apartment.
But for now, I suddenly see details in this place that I never cared to see before.

You start noticing things when something's about to end.

Torn between wanting to go on a rant and say everything about how I love this place, but maybe I shouldn't. I should let these last few hours here be happy, productive ones. I should rejoice in the good times I've had here, and the fact that I have been so blessed to live in this awesome place for three years. I will miss it, but it's only because it has been a good time. If it was bad, I wouldn't be sad to leave.

And everything is temporal, anyway. There're other things I've left behind, and slowly the memories have faded, receded into the distance. This will, too. Eventually.
But it's hard now.
My last blog entry typed at this desk, this room, this apartment. With this weather, these sounds, this feel.
The last time I'll get to live as I've been used to for the last three years, with the murmur of the tv coming from dad's room, the whoosh of airplanes over head, these sounds, this view from my window... the last time I'll get to see these lights, the airport, the highway... the last time I'll fall asleep and wake up to these familiar surroundings... It's too hard.

I pray God give me strength to not be too upset and overly-sentimental, as I have to tendency to be. I pray that I can smile and quiet fondness as I look around the room and let my eyes take in these sights for the last few times, let this cold wind blow nostalgically around me for a few more hours, let the memories reply and bound throughout the house, echoing down through my mind...

And I pray that I will be thankful for it all, and God will see me through till tomorrow when I will take my one

last

look.

This, and the past 2 Fridays have all been significant points in my life.

Two weekends ago, starting Thursday, was probably the closest I have ever come to depression. But when I let go of God and told Him that I had given up the will to fight and stand back up, He held on to me, and pulled me back. It was by absolutely no work or will of my own; He is just 100% faithful.

And I thought that maybe I was going through that so that I could use it to relate to someone else in the near future. Just the Tuesday after that, I was able to use it to help Boss.

Wednesday was a holiday, and our old folks' home community service trip.

That Friday, the Harkins had their annual Christmas party. There's just something about that place... it must have the peace and blessing of God on it, because it feels like such a haven. When I shared what I had just gone through (the bad bad weekend), it felt like such release that I had friends around whom I was safe and loved.

Today was the last day of semester exams. =) Exams went pretty well, I think. God's been blessing me, because I don't feel like I studied very very much, and yet things were still good. Stayed over at Kestrel's house yesterday to try and study for Physics. X) Ended up reading so much of Tsubasa and stuff. :D

We went in 2nd exam period, then had the Christmas banquet, then went to Central with a bunch of people. 21 of us, or smth like that.

But anyway, today was a day of acceptance and encouragement. Nice to know that there are the guys who don't only like the cute, giggly, pretty girls. Someone today actually said that he preferred that I was more... well, "me". Thanks. =] I'm not going to put here the specific things that were said, because it might sound like I'm bashing all other girls, which is absolutely not the case. It's just that those two of my friends today have helped me feel encouraged to just go on being myself.

Anyway, Christmas-break goals!

• Move house
• Student Council: work out the kinks in some of our project proposals, then get them started so we can transition smoothly into the new semester
• Master (or at least learn well) the Tsubasa Chronicles style of drawing, which probably means about 2 or more hours of copying per day

• Make my lesson plans for art classes
• Read at least 2 books
• Draw the last round for the comic fighting competition

I have learned that I need to keep busy, otherwise I become SUPER unproductive. XP I've also realized that my creativity comes very alive when I'm busy, like this past week during exams. If I had a spare moment and put pencil to paper, I could just draw. But if I have a ton of free time, nothing flows. Hah, so now that I know that, I'm gonna make myself busy, so that my time gets optimized and my art gets to live.

Christmas holidays, here I come!

School's closed!! O_O

On Tuesday evening when we were sending Rachel off to the airport, we got stuck in the traffic that was there due to the protests and barricades. We really got to see the beginning of what has now dragged out into a ridiculous stalemate between the government and the PAD. The airport's been shut down, no flights in, no flights out... there're gonna be huge repercussions in the near future. They closed the airport just a few hours after Rachel's flight!! Lol. If only your flight had been on Wed, Rach, if only. X) Oh well, at least we should be grateful you didn't go to the airport a few hours later and then get stuck like all the other people. You were so close to that.

It's funny though, how while the foreigners who were stranded in the airport were so mad, the Thai protestors outside were effectively having a big party. =P The entertainment provided for the thousands of protestors included free food, drinks, bands, party music... (not to mention those clappers. Someone must be making a fortune from selling those!)

It's weird to be able to see the airport just a few km from my room window, and at the same time watch the news on tv, and see what's going on just over there, and not be able to do anything about it. Anyway, there's been some violence, and some other schools have been closed since Wed or yesterday. Our school's got better discretion tho. They've only closed today because the government declared a state of emergency. No violence, no bloodshed, please. I don't know how this is gonna be resolved, but I don't want people to get hurt or killed.

But what a good day to not have school. Last night I was up until 1 trying to finish my homework (all the makeup work and tests from last week), and I couldn't. I was gonna have to just apologize to my teachers, and bomb my test. Just about a minute after the alarm clock rang at 5.40 and I got up knowing that I was gonna have to suffer through the day, my mom came into the room with the good tidings! Not trying to sound selfish, though. I don't like what's going on with the political situation, and I really hope and pray that it won't become some horrific thing. But since school is closed, I am grateful to have today off.

And what great weather to accompany it.

If you read this, please pray for Thailand. The economy's gonna be really bad soon: they approximate that the country's losing about 500 million baht for every day that the airport's closed, just from the tourism industry alone. Other losses chalk it up to about 1 billion baht a day. Also pray for a peaceful resolution, that Thai's won't start fighting Thai's, that other innocents won't get caught in the crossfire.

At the same time, let's also all remember that everything is in God's hands, in His control, and nothing happens outside of His will. For that, we can praise Him, be thankful, and have peace. =)

Saturday, 22 November 2008
In Memory of a Beautiful, Spectacular, Wonderful, Emotional Day

Praise God for all He has done, all He has brought us through, for the joy, the laughter, the love, and today: the tears, as we bade our play goodbye...

It's over. I'd better not think of that too much otherwise I'll start crying again. I've already cried all my makeup off. I started bawling right from when we reached the foyer after marching up the auditorium. Hugging everyone, taking teary-eyed, teary-faced pictures, all the celebration, all the cheers...

I'll never forget this play, especially these last 3 days. There're no words to describe the whole experience in its entirety. I can only keep these feelings close to my heart; one of the most precious times in my life. It wasn't all smooth, wasn't all easy, but the hard, hard work we did, and all the glitches that we managed to overcome made it just so much more memorable. I only wish I had said "Just throw it in the fire" to Meg, about Brooke's satchel. :]

I can't tell of all the things that happened in the play here, because there would be far too much to write. But here, just so you know how special it was, and always will be to me, I'll tell you this: to commemorate the play, tomorrow to church, I will wear the skirt the mom made for me. Also because Rachel, my best friend, is here to see it. Plus I'm in an emotional state, and therefore not thinking clearly, because if I was, there'd be no way I'd wear a skirt. Besides, it's black, and I shall be mourning for the play.

Glory to God in the highest!!!

Here it is.

A moment that used to seem so far away; something I thought would take it's own sweet time to get here, with me impatiently awaiting its arrival. But no, it has come faster than I realized. It's tomorrow, the play.

All the way back in 8th grade, when I first came to ICS and was a pickpocket in the Oliver musical, I thought I saw such a long, 4-year acting career before me. So many opportunities. So much to do, wow, imagine when I'm like that someday, in 11th grade, 12th grade. Will I get a main role? What must it feel like? Those older kids are so awesome, I hope to be like them someday.

And, well...

Look. It's here.

Already. I can't believe it. It feels so different when the moment's actually here, than when it's some where far off in the ambiguous distance. When you're envisioning something for the future, you can imagine all the glory, and the storybook-like drama to it. But when time has actually brought it right to you, it becomes your reality, part of your day-to-day life, no longer a castle in the air. I don't feel like a "great, awesome older kid", like the ones I used to look up to so much a few years ago. This doesn't feel like some great, glorious, fantastically glamorous thing that I'm doing. I'm just me, and this is just what I'm doing.

But oh, no, don't be mistaken and think that I'm complaining and saying that my dreams of past haven't turned out to be what I thought they would. Not in the least! This reality is beautiful, and is so heart-wrenchingly close to me, that it's gonna be hard to let go of the play after these last few days are over.

I just pray that God will be glorified in the way we use the talents he's given us, in the friendships that have been forged, tested and strengthened both on and off-stage, and also in the morals and lessons that the story will impart to the audience. I pray that He'll be delighted with us, and let His hand be on this play, and honor all the work and heart that has gone into it.

It's been a good 13 or 14 weeks of work, and I've enjoyed every. single. step. (I'm so gonna cry when this is over.)
May these next three days be the most fulfilling of them all!!

(and Rachel is here from Singapore tonight! She says hi~ ^^ Just the same way that I can't believe that the play is here, she can't believe she's here either, hahaha. =D)

It's a big week coming up for me!

If the play hadn't been postponed for the Princess's cremation, it's be all finished by now. Think of that. O_O

Thank goodness for the cremation. I don't want the play to end. =]

So, the drama that we've put so much time, heart, and effort into over the last 12 weeks or more is about to come to a head. The character that I've waited for 2 years to be, that I've slowly been bringing to life these last few months, is about to be shown off in just a few more days. And then... she'll be gone.

Wow.

This week's gonna be insane, I anticipate. Rehearsals are meant to be until 7 pm, but we're told to "be prepared to stay till 9". My grades are gonna drop some... but it's okay, I'll put them back up after the play. How fun, tho! Staying at school till that late with people I love. ^^

Sorry, Rach. Wish I'd seen earlier that next Tues is a holiday, then you could've stayed till Wednesday. Sigh. Guess we'll just have to cram all our yakking into the few days that we do have, then. =P

Since Friday, I've resolved to watch at least parts of the Little Women movie, everyday, for the benefit of my character. Lol, yes, I am that dedicated to the play.

DRAMA, HERE I COME!

So I'm learning that the only one who'll never let you down, and the one that you can always trust to be consistent in personality and character, is God.

There's a tendency to build up an image of someone in your mind, only to be disappointed later when, simply by the default of imperfect human nature, they don't live up to your grand assumptions and impossible expectations.

Wish I hadn't had such expectations.

In the paraphrased words of Miss Jo March, "I wish I didn't have a heart."
Because then I wouldn't have to fight so hard to keep it safe.

Wish my feelings wouldn't go running off so easily. It's tiring to be always chasing after them to stop them. And it's so hard to stop them.

I suppose that, since energy and will are- to my observation- more finite and limited than emotions and thoughts, there will come a point when one can no longer bridle his or her waking dreams, but may only sit back and watch, helpless to stop the heart from running whichever way it pleases.

That's where, then, the infinite power of God must intervene, else the fallible human soul would soon stumble and be shattered.

Let that grace be on me.

Cold weather is here!!

Really, this is such perfect weather. If Bangkok was like this all the time, it'd be like some kinda Paradise City. I feel like one of the luckiest people in the world to be right here right now where it's cool and constantly windy, not too cold, but just enough to give you a slight shiver and a huge smile. =D

Man, it's been busy. The play is 1 week away! Time flies, insanely. Time should get a ticket for speeding.

So things are getting hectic. So much work to do, coinciding with test season, plus the play. Well I guess part of the stress could've been avoided if I hadn't gone to MBK with ppl after last Sat's morning rehearsal. We hung out and watched Quantum of Solace, which was fine, but then it took us more than 2 hours to get home. Stuck on the (non-aircon) bus in the sticky, humid, drizzle, with jussst enough space around my head to breathe comfortably. But that made for good chatting/bonding time between Becky, Tim, and I.

Yesterday's drama rehearsal was interesting. XD The stage floor has just been painted (to cover over the paint splats from all the set work that's been going on), and it's sticky, though it's dry. If you keep walking, it's no problem. But if you stand still for too long, your shoes get pretty darn stuck. Like when I was doing my serious, moody scene with Laurie, and I couldn't move when I needed to. Or when (same scene) I had to jump and hug him, I couldn't do that either. Had to awkwardly take a few seconds to un-stick, and then fly at him.

Plus yesterday, Marmee and Meg tried on their hoop skirts! HORRENDOUS CONTRAPTIONS. Don't know why they were ever "the fashion". All sorts of trouble, ranging from getting stuck in the doorway, to getting each others' hoops somehow linked together, to having them push out backwards high in the air when you hug someone.... hahahahahha. Hoops are funny when they're on other people. I'm not finding it so funny now, though, because I'm gonna have to wear the hoops too, soon. T_T

I'm off to bed now, since I have the chance to sleep early. =) Nite!

SO MUCH TO CATCH UP ON!

Last Friday we had smth interesting happen...

Two people in our drama cast got dropped from the play because they chalked up too many strikes for missing practices. The rest of us were mortified, stressed out, fearful, very sad, because those two are really good actors, and we knew our play would near cave-in if we didn't have them. It was fair to drop them, I'm not arguing against it. There was a line that they knew was there, and they crossed it. It has happened before in past plays, and I know our director is not one to go back on his word.
But dad talked to him, and got him to at least be open to hear what the rest of us had to say.
After last Friday, I respect our team a lot more, from hearing their responses to the situation.
No one said it wasn't fair. Everyone was mature is their response, to cut it short. Mr Philip, the fair and very reasonable person that he is, eventually decided that since we'd all learned the lesson there to be learnt, he could let those 2 back in. Man, I love these people! :)

This past Wednesday were basketball tryouts. Didn't make the team.
But I can say it here, because I've come far enough in my "dealing-with-it", that it's no longer too sore a spot, or too sharp a barb. Wednesday night after seeing the list of ppl who made it, on the school website, I had about 15 minutes of emo-ness, then I thought I was over it. Turns out that yesterday, Thursday, it was even harder.
Cuz I had to face all the people who did get in.
And even though I know that none of my friends would think any less of me for not making the team, the hardest part was hearing the voice whispering in my ear, "Failure, failure. Who's the loser? You couldn't make it. You weren't good enough, you aren't good enough." I cried a few times, in sch alone. Not to mention all the times I came close to tears when I saw the people who made it in. Yeah, it was a tough day. Even some teachers noticed!

But I've had people praying for me, and dad's been helping me with it. Both as a counsellor and as a father.
Putting things in perspective:
The level of what you can achieve doesn't determine your worth. They're totally seperate things.
There were more people trying out this year than last, there were more "naturals", and there were less spots to be filled.I'm not that into basketball. It's not something I pour my life's essence into, or even spend any significant amount of time on.
It's just basketball.

So that's my latest testimony; it's been hard, painful, humiliating to my own mind, but I've drawn closer to God because of it.
Also, I know God's closing this door to me because He has better, more fulfilling, more important things for me to do. =) Now I can probably start teaching art lessons!

Today I got hair extentions down to my waist. For the play. I feel a bit more like Mulan now. X)

RACHEL SEAH, IF YOU SEE THIS BEFORE I GET TO TALK TO YOU ON MSN, PLEASE NOTE THAT OUR PLAY HAS BEEN POSTPONED BY ONE WEEK. So you have to change your airticket. Sorry ah! Just found out. On the weekend we originally planned it, the Princess of Thailand is going to be cremated, so the authorities are not allowing any activities then. Sozzz. Pls tag if you read this.

But I don't mind it, personally. :) Gives me more time to enjoy our rehearsals. I do so love the people I work with. Today we had a pretty productive practice. It was also quite a lot more comfortable than I thought it would be. Less awkward than I anticipated. ^^^ And a lot of fun! By God's grace, I'm starting to feel that my friendship with Caleb is finally going back to what it was. Or even better, I'd say. Hallelujah. ^^

Man, I was sleepy in sch. We ended anatomy class 8 minutes early so I put my head down to rest. I thought I was still at least half-awake, and was listening out for the bell, but the next thing I knew, Lani was trying to wake me up. "ARIEL! The bell rang already dude!" I'd been out.

Dad was giving me some good ideas for what Student Council can do. Ideas like a prayer corner, or a buddy (mentor) system. Honestly, it's quite pathetic that all we're expected to do is raise funds, organize pep rallies, and the like. There's SO MUCH more we can and should do, and we're gonna do it. Prayerfully, of course. Because unless God wills it, we're gonna be working to create something that'll just fall through.

It's been a good day. Seriously, my life picks up, feels more... alive, when I'm closer to God. I love Him. I just do things better, I'm more optimistic; my words and my thoughts, my actions and my feelings are better guarded against things that could hurt me... yeah. Is it no wonder that when people drift away from God, their lives start becoming less joyful; there's a strange, uncomfortable, fidgety sense of discontentment that's there, and they (including me, as I've done before) go off in other directions, searching for what makes them happy. And when you've drifted a bit too far, then only by God's mercy will you keep your relationship with Him, because once there's that gap between you and Him, the Devil will stick his hands in the gap and try to push you further from the God that loves you and only wants what's best for you. Come back to Him. It's the best you can have.

Schooool again. =)

Took me about 2 hours (counting from when bell rang) to adjust back to being in an international environment. Same's how I took some time to go from being international to Singaporean at the beginning of my Oct break trip. It's having to change my grammar usage, vocabulary, accent, getting used to seeing a whole different type/group of people around, etc. Always an interesting feeling when I go through that transition stage. :P

Drama was great today; Laurie was... very Laurie. He's so funny like that. ^^ Keep it uppppp.
The printed drama posters also came in today. Looks good! If I can get the jpeg file I'll post it here.

I've been watching weird Japanese game show clips on youtube. Go here for a good laugh!! :D (There're many more but I'm too lazy to put all the urls up at once.)

Time to sleep. Man, I wanna use my awesome whopper of an external hard drive. Isn't 320 such a nice chunky number? ^^ Still haven't had time to use it. =( It's feeling neglected.

Tmoz, we'll be working on the LAST SCENE OF OUR PLAY. Whoooooo..... fast, man. Fast. And it's kinda an awkward scene for me... I'll try to find time to blog about what happens then. =P Nite!

My excuse (reason) for not blogging during school days is that I have work to do.

Apparently when I'm on holiday, I'm still too busy to blog neways. :p

I'm back in Bangkok now... Had a wonderful send-off at the airport after church today...
Sarah and Rachel were there, as they always are, if they can make it. (And just because you're always there doesn't mean I appreciate it any less okay? =])
I left church to go airport at around 1 pm. All the youths had been hanging out in church (plus moving boxes out of the room tt's gonna be renovated), and a bunch of them decided to go to the airport as well. I do suppose that some went because their friends were going, and/or they needed somewhere to go makan anyway, but still.
It really was sooo nice to have them there at the airport, getting to chat with them one last time before I left.

Rachel, Sarah, Jia En, Lydia, De Qi, Daphne, Qiu Fang, Ryan, Daniel, Jonathan, Yan Jun, and Alvin. =)

Some other ppl said they wanted to go but couldn't make it. Nvm, I still really appreciate the thought. ^^
Missed some of the J's that weren't there... Jeremy, James, Jason. Heheh. And quite a lot of other ppl whom I didn't get to hang out with during this short trip. Cya guys next time, yeah? :)

Courtesy of Lydia (who, unknowingly... but I guess now she'll know... showed me how to use the macro function, for the first time. Uh.. yeah. I didn't even know that was on there.)

Ryannnn, why you disappear from group photo..... = =

This morning's sermon was good... it was what I needed to hear; been feeling pretty distant from God lately. But the speaker today invited us to open up to God again, and now, after weeks of spiritual dryness, I feel like I've come back to living actively in God's grace again. =)
Interesting incident at the airport: I had a bottle of more than 100ml liquid tt I forgot to put in my luggage, and I only realized when we were abt to go through the hand-carry check. Wanting to exercise my refreshed faith, I prayed, "Dear Lord, um, I'd like to not have to throw it away.. kinda expensive.. I know that if they make me toss it, then yeah it's not a big deal, and it actually is my fault... but still, I'd rather not... I've heard of times when you blinded customs officers to things that missionaries were bringing into countries for Your work... I mean, I know this is nothing like that, but yeah..."
And the scanning-machine person didn't even see it! (And just behind me, my dad kenna his waterbottle thrown away. =P) Talk about direct answers to prayer.

Here's a brief summary of what I did the last few days (Ariel's-blog-style summary ok? Means actually quite long):

Tuesday: Went to Borders bookstore, excited to get this particular book I've been waiting for... got there, looked arnd, finally asked the information counter ppl... said dun have. X_X Haha.
From there I went out with Aarti and Kruti (2 friends who graduated from my highschool last yr and are now in SMU and Laselle.) Pasta Mania for dinner, then also visited Aarti's dorm.



Wednesday: Went, with Mom and Sarah, to our HDB apartment that we're gonna rent out. Set up the cupboards and curtains. In the evening we went to East Coast Beach for a seafood dinner with my godparents. Shiok only man! All the crab... with the huuUUuuuuuge claws, then got the cereal prawn, and otah, etc etc etc. :D

Thursday: Did some homework in the afternoon (AP World Hist, half of JCHL.... ), went to Ikea with mom to pick up furniture for the aparment (had the Swedish meatballs for dinner!), then spent a few solid hours cleaning the apt, assembling furniture, etc.

Friday: Spend the day with Sarah. Accidentally took the VERY LONG route to her house, in the morning. Sigh. = = Went to Tampines for lunch (BURGERKING! :D), went to Funan (met dad there and he bought me a 320GB external harddrive at his friend's shop. Thanks dad!), went to Brahs Basah (Tecman Christian bookstore, and Art Friend). Picked up my new glasses, then went for a talk on Conversational Evangelism. Learned a lot of useful things there.

Saturday: First part of the day, cooked with Sarah. Some fudge-biscuit thingos, as well as Thai-style mango n sticky rice. (And we brought all the food to church with us today for the other ppl to eat.)

Later, went to Orchard to meet 2 friends, David Shim and Jecolia Tong, whom I'm haven't seen in 10 years!! Our parents were all friends at church last time, but since abt P1, none of us 3 have been in contact. (After dinner and stuff around Orchard, we Guitar-Hero-ed at Jeco's house) ^^^^^ Pretty awesome. Hopefully we can hang out again then next time I'm in Sg! (Oh yeah, and bumped into Jeremy too. :))


Which brings us back to today, with it's awesome send-off and everything. I'm so touched. Humbled. =)
Plus it was funny to see you all standing out there waving and waving and waving, while we were in the queue for the passport check.

Yep, what a great day. :) This morning I went out with mom, Ah Tun (our maid), and 3 kiddos (Jana, Ben, Xin Yuan). Went to HouKang to run some errands, including make new specs for Jana and I. As usuallllllll, I took forever to choose which frames I wanted! Tried on at least 20 pairs, hahah.

Came home and did half my JCHL reading homework, and started doing the quiz that Sarah tagged me with, but before I finished, it was time to leave the house again (so I'll post the quiz tmr)~. I went out to City Hall station to meet with two friends, Valerie and Kenneth, whom I met during my 2-wk June internship. So great to see them again! :D Had dinner at some Japanese/Italian place... Japanesey pasta. Oh, Kestrel, the whole time I was at the restaurant, TVXQ! music was playing, hahahahah. Later on we had dessert at the food court, but we sat at the outside area, where there was a great view of the Sg skyline and the CBD all lit up. =) No mosquitoes too! (A rare opportunity for me, coming from Thailand.)

At the Japanese restaurant. Waiter helped us take this pic. ^^

Val always prepared each forkful of food with a sprinkling of chilli, then cheese, then that smth spice that they had in the shaker. EVERY mouthful, haha!

Kenneth had this huge bag, I still dunno what was inside it...

Can't see the city in the bg cuz of the flash, =(. Without flash, the pic would've been blurry tho.

Kenneth and Valerie, just randomly pointing.... =)

Oh, and I must mention what happened on the MRT when I was going to City Hall. Nothing big or monumental, but anyway, I saw this guy, might've been Japanese or Korean or smth, dressed somewhat in the typical J-/K-pop clothes, with an emo-ish hairstyle, and very insecure body language. The first time I saw him, I just thought, "Oh hey, look, J-pop clothes." But a minute or so later, I started to feel more like, "=S He's one of those 'cool on the outside, hiding a lot on the inside' people." This whole time his back was to me, tho, he was leaning against the corner of the wall with his head down. And then at one point when he turned just enough so that I could see part of his face, a wave of sadness hit me.

He was around 18 or 19, I'd guess, with a slight frame and nice facial features... the typical bishouen ("bishie")? But the pain, the silent fear in his eyes, the emptiness I could sense coming off of him, that just seemed to fill his whole being... and he looked so lost, like a 3 year old kid. Scared, and trying to cover it up with clothes and accessories that would be accepted as "cool". You could see that he's been trying to improve his life, fill the gap, by buying into the comforts that the world had held out to him, but it was just making him feel more and more lost. I'm not a softie, you know that, but today when I saw that guy, I could've just cried right there in the MRT.

I don't often have these experiences, but on the few times when I have (especially today), it's made me realize the magnitude of our duty and our call as Christians. I think God let me experience this today to give me a bit of an idea of the ache He feels for His lost people. I wanted so bad to go up to that guy and take away whatever pain he was holding, see him freed from whatever was weighing down so heavily on him. And you know like when in Matthew 23:37 it says God longs to gather us up like a hen gathers her chicks? It was like that. I wanted to go up to him, give him a hug, and let God's love just touch and heal him 100%.

I don't know who he is, but today was something special, and I'm gonna pray for that guy. As complete strangers now, I wouldn't die for him, but God knows him and loves him so much that God came down and made that sacrifice, longing for their relationship to be restored, so that he won't have to be hurting anymore. I'll pray that even though I may never cross paths with that guy again, his life will take a radical turn at some point, and that awful, oppressive misery I saw today will be gone.

I'M BACK!

Back to blogging, back to Singapore. Oh blessed holidays~! ^^

I've been gone a loong loooong time... no, not meaning all this time on that church camp that I mentioned in my last post. Just been way too busy with school and drama and SC. And during what free time I had, I was too tired to put together a coherent blog entry.

But finally, here I am, and I just wanna note 2 things that have happened, so next time I can read this post and rmb.

-Basketball/sleepover with Joanna, RA, and Becky~
-(14th Oct '08) Drama prac ended early, had a good chat with *. :)

Right now I'm in Singapore~~~~ We arrived on Saturday night, after I took the PSAT back in school on Sat morning. Stayed over at the Seahs' house... had an awesome time (as always!), chatting and catching up, being stupid, being serious, youtube-ing...

ah, and then I realized that I'd forgotten to pack my sleeping clothes. I mean, not just to the Seahs' place. I mean that I completely forgot to bring sleeping clothes with me from Bangkok to Sg. Yup, that's right. ALL HAIL THE SOTONG QUEEN!

But as it goes, with such good friends, retarded things that one does only serve to provide laughter and a chance to strengthen friendship, as one humbly, contritely begs to borrow clothes, and the friends extend a much-needed, but undeserved hand of grace. And let one rummage through their wardrobe.

Today, I had a FANTASTIC Sunday with a bunch of crazy church ppl. ^^^^^ It was really really nice to see everyone again, esp with all the smiles, the "HI-IIIIII"s, and "HEY, you're back!"s. ^^ Had Poiema cell groups, then their music lessons, then badminton, then some of us went to Tampines and hung out at the food court. Laughed until it hurt, and made noise until some old person on his/her (yeah, we couldn't decide if it was a man or a woman) way out, told us that our (laughing) volume level was inappropriate. :P Oooops, really didn't mean to. ^^'

And other stuff, and other stuff. There're a lot of people who contributed to my day, and they're too many to name. But to all of you who did (and even if you think you didn't you probably did in some way or other tt you don't realize), I thank you for an awesome day!! =D

Tiong Wei ah :), I know you're reading this, and I already said it to you in church, but I'm just gonna mention this here so other ppl can see, and so I don't forget it, hahah:
TW, one of the Poiemians at ASE, brought 2 friends with him to church today (and another one last week, so I heard?). He himself just recently accepted Christ, and it's so inspiring to see him active in reaching out to others. Embarassing too, because we long-time-already Christians are hardly that active. We're too passive, too lazy, too afraid, too daunted, too busy, too.... whatever. Oh, for, shame. We can't rely on missionaries, pastors, and the like, to spread the word. It WE who have to go out there and take responsibility. STOP, think about it. Take it seriously.

So, Tiong! Don't ever become like that, don't get complacent, don't let this passion for Christ that you have now get worn down and bridled by time. Be... like Joel. Who invited you to church in the first place. ^^

Ok now, time to sleep. And it's gonna be another great day tomorrow. :)

It's been a tiring week, and though today was just as (or even more) tiring than the past few days, it was still a really good one. =) Some reasons shall not be stated here (ahahaha), but I'm just writing this bit here so that some time in the far future when I come back and read my old blog posts, I'll remember today.

(Just for myself: [-Swapped chapel day-] ^^)

Tomorrow after school, we're going on a church camp at the beach. It'll be nice to get away and let my brain recuperate. I feel like it's been fried by all the tests and everything else I've had. Oh, but you know what? Somehow, really, it's true that when we are weak, God is strong. Today I was feeling like X_@ when I went in to school. During devotions, Mrs Lisa prayed that "may all that we do today honor and glorify You." And I was thinking like, Man, I'm so not-with-it today, I dunno how I'm gonna be a regularly functioning person... all the more someone who's a good friend and through whom God can shine. But, very surprisingly, today it seemed like I was able to talk to, relate to, be friendly, and be friends with more people than I usually do. I guess when our human strength is faded, that's when God's power can really kick in. =)

I'm kinda losing my voice now, from yelling so much in drama class, because today we did the scene where Jo gets mad at Amy. Poor Rissa, had to get shaken and whacked so many times. :P

I've made probably around or over 30000 neopoints for Jana in the last few days! :D Lolll.

Okayz, I'm about to unceremoniously fall asleep here at the desk, so I'd better go. Ciao~

PRAY, MOVE, get WORKING!

Talk about revival. I'm seeing new doors being opened, more people questioning, more hearts searching. More believers moving, more workers reaping.

I'm glad that people on both sides are starting to reach out more. Reach those that have been put within your range. Pray not just for "the world", but the immediate people around you, in whose lives YOU can be a catalyst of change. Show love to those who walk by you in the halls everyday; those people who can be touched by just a simple smile or a word of encouragement. Reach them.

I'm praying for a specific few, because I feel that God is opening those doors, and whatever He opens CANNOT BE CLOSED. May it not be that when I stand before Him, He will say that I missed those opportunities He placed before me, that I didn't take the paths He placed there for me to follow. These people are my friends, people I care for. Their hearts are being prepared, their eyes are being unveiled. Do I care for their friendship and their "hi"s and "hello"s, but not care enough that- unless I take the careful initiative to talk to them about Christ- their souls are bound for eternal suffering? What kind of a friend takes the good times, but doesn't care for what happens to people after that? What if I said "I'll talk to her about it tomorrow", but then tonight she was killed?

God, provide the time, the patience, and all the other resources I need to do Your work.

May it be that we will see a revival in this land, and that we may do our part to get it started in this school. Amen.

Alrighty, just a short post to catch up on all the highlights of the past few days. I've got like, 20 minutes before I'd better go to sleep. Our first AP World test is tomorrow... 3 essay questions, in 70 minutes, over 8000 years of history. Hehehe. :] WoOp.

Last Wednesday was a holiday for us. Verity and I went to hang out at Central, and then we went to the spa. Her bday present to me. ^^ We had roughly a good 6 hours of talk. Sorry, yes, I'm afraid even I only serve to strengthen the belief that girls like to yak and chit-chat. Verity and I have some good, in-depth convo tho.

On Friday after school, Becky, Ruthanne, Joanna, Rissa, and I had the photo shoot for the Little Women poster! Full makeup, hair, costumes. I've got some pictures, and hopefully I'll get around to posting them when I have a little more time. We started dressing up during last period, and when the dismissal bell rang, some of us went and stood outside the green room and waved and yelled at our friends, telling them to come watch the show in Nov. They all had a good stare and a good laugh over seeing us in big poofy dresses. For publicity's sake. ^^

Also on Friday (well, we'd planned this last week, and we set it up on Thursday after school), Ruthanne, Joanna, and I made it Caleb's birthday. Yup, made it. His real birthday's in June, but we wanted an excuse to do smth nice for him. So we'd set up his locker with presents inside, and a big greeting card that opened up when you opened the locker door. We got random people to wish him happy birthday (and when our "plants" wished him, other people who weren't in on it also believed that it was his real bday, so it snowballed). Mr Philip brought the audition choir to sing to Caleb during one class, and even Mr Bob had the class sing later on in their Spanish 2 class! XD

Actually, we 3 culprits were getting kinda worried that maybe dear Laurie was mad about what we'd set up, but later on he said that he did have a good day. Even if it had been really really weird to have a non-birthday with the whole highschool involved. Hehehehe. ^^''

Yesterday was youth Sunday. When we went out for lunch together after that, I just remember Tim (British dude) getting insulted over the fish and chips and he ordered, saying, "Oh c'mon, they call this fish and chips?" We didn't know any better, but I suppose he IS British, so. =] Yeah.

This week we have 4 tests. (Schedueled so far. Some teacher may decide to add another one.) Why do all the teachers somehow always end up giving tests in the same week?? And they say they "aren't conspiring against us". XD Oh, oh, and they always say that they're keeping within the rule of "no more than 2 tests on the same day". Which is reasonable and true, but, technically that could mean up to 10 tests in a week.

Anyway, now's not a good time for me to start playing Jana's neopets account. X) YES, GO AHEAD, LAUGH. I had a spare moment a few days ago and decided to revisit neopets just for old times's sake, and make some money for Jana's account in the process. Oh deary. I've ended up spending for too much time on it. Juussssst becaaaaauuse we've growwwwn a few years doesn't mean that what once used to have us so addicted to neopets has entirely lost its appeal.

So time for bed now. Thanks to everyone who's been helping me with the AP World Hist test. ^^ All the best to us tomorrow!

Oh wow. Exhausted. Crying over and over again, and over and over again is no joke. I have such a headache now. :P Phewwwww....

But I think Mr Philip's glad of it, that we can really cry on stage. Really funny though, in rehearsal, when during the crying part, someone'd crack a joke, or Ruthanne would sneeze, or I would have to blow my nose really hard and then we'd all start laughing. XD Emotional yo-yo... I think my tear ducts have now temporarily gone on strike. *rubs head*

Here's the poem I wrote for American Lit class. (14 lines max.) It's a love poem, yes. It had to be either this, or an "extended metaphor", which didn't sound as charming. So.
I present:

My Adoration

Hear now, my love, what praise I speak of thee:

When you are near, there's nothing else I see.

Your spirit's pure, a treasure sweet and rare,

Perfection-wise, none other can compare.

Ten thousand other smiles could not trump yours;

Beyond all else, your radiance endures.

Speak now, that voice of hea'enly angels' song,

All else is silence; it's for your voice I long!

Silent strength, a warrior's fortitude,

At every glance, my wonder is renewed.

Yet kind and gentle, loving deep within,

Your soul, to peacefulness itself, akin.

With you, no mortal being can contend...

Of you, my adoration knows no end.

Heheh. =) ;)

Tomorrow's teacher in-service day, so NO SCHOOL FOR USSSSSS. :D I almost think we should instate Wednesdays as day-offs, like Saturdays and Sundays are. But nahh. I mean, if all our lives, we went to school from Monday through Saturday, then having a two-day weekend would seem wonderful. If we always had 3-day weekends, we'd want 4-day weekends. Let's be glad we at least have 2 days. ^^

(Wednesday's off are nice though.)

Btw, did you know that if your Achilles tendon was severed, not only would you not be able to walk, but...

Your calf muscle would pretty much "roll up"? (As beautifully and graphically described by our anatomy teacher today XD) Cuz the tendon is what keeps the muscle attached to your heel bone. So without it doing that, your calf muscle would- I say it again- ROLL UP. Like a projector screen! :D

Grossssssss. Hahahahahahah.

You're welcome, Jeremy! ^^

Another good Monday. =) In drama class we worked on Beth's death scene, and it was quite emotionally taxing to go from the serene solemnity at the beginning of the scene, to the pain and tears (yup, real crying) of feeling your dearest sister slipping away, her struggling to say her last few precious words, and then-

"Okay, we'll stop there. Go back and do it again." (Mr Philip. XD)

SO-ooooo, back to the start of the scene. The family's gathered, it's peaceful, close, but sad, all at the same time. Then getting sadder, sadder... start crying with Beth...

"Alright, good. One more time."

And again and again and again and again and again. XD

Also, tomorrow after school we have a 2-and-a-half hour practice for that scene again! WHOOP, I'm gonna get to cry myself to the point of dehydration! :D

Funny funny funny. ^^ "We have jolly times together." ^^

In American Literature class, we wrote love poems... heheheh. Ruthanne's was hilarious! That same innocence of dear little Beth (her character in the Little Women play).... Oh man. =D

After school we had worship practice for this week's Youth Sunday. Ya know, I'd just told Mrs Sheila that I didn't wanna participate in this week's one at all, cuz I already have a lot of other stuff going on. She was fine with that; really supportive and understanding, in fact. I was relieved to not be in it this time. But thennnn, Laurie comes along and gets Jo back in the worship team.

"You get everything you want out of people. I don't know how you do it, but you are a born wheedler." (Quote Jo)

I was kinda = =' after practice, but then after talking to Mrs Kris (Laurie's [Caleb's] mom) about the youth sunday stuff and coming up with a workable solution, I felt a lot better. Still though, those are changes that will be applied from the next time on. I'll still have to follow through with this Sunday. Must pray for patience.

But all in all, it was a good day. Well really, with God on my side, I don't quite have bad days. =) Praise God, thank You, Father.

Mark this day, Ariel. 15th Sept 2008. Remember that whammy you felt, that split second of a moment in frozen time when, like a bright spark, a cosmic blast, it hit you, and you realized.

Well.

I've had an interesting day.

At 8.30 am dad and I left the house to go to school (drama practice), on motorcycle. We were going under the bridge, and its always hard to maneuver in there cuz you have to keep your head down, and the path is only a meter wide or less. Off the path just means sand and dirt and stone, but you still don't wanna bump down there. I mean, this isn't an overhead bridge. More like where the road was built over a canal, and motorcycles go under the road, next to the canal, to cut to the other side of the highway. We've gone under that bridge many times, and we've always been fine.

Today, however, there was a lot of water down there because of the rain we've been having. Even parts of the path were submerged. Anyway, I was keeping my head down as usual, so I couldn't really tell what was going on. There are bumpy sections where it feels like we're gonna fall, but we never do. But today when we were nearly at the end, I just remember feeling like dad was struggling with the bike for a split second, and then suddenly we were both off the bike, lying in about 4 inches of water. Yup. As of today, I can say that I've been in a "motorcycle accident". :P

Apparently, the light reflecting off the water had made it tough to see where the path was or wasn't. The bike's front wheel had gone off the path and hit into a chunk of cement somwhere down in the murk. At least we only fell of from nearly zero speed. Dad scratched up his elbow pretty bad, and tore some muscles in his shoulder. Me, I was completely unhurt. Well, I did get a small nick on my elbow and wrist, but there wasn't any blood at all. Just a few skin cells fell off. X) Nor did my leg get pinned or crushed by the bike, like I'd expected it to. Not even a bruise, goodness. Maybe just cuz the pillion usually sustains less damage than the rider. Maybe because I was lucky. Maybe because I'd been praying just a minute before that. Whatever it was, I sure thank and praise God for keeping me so incredibly safe.

Two other motorcyclists who were passing helped us get the bike up, and out to where we wouldn't be blocking that narrow way. I called mom to pick us up, cuz dad couldn't ride. Called Joanna and asked her to tell Mr Philip I'd be late for practice. I only had to go home and change because I'd gotten pretty wet (and so did the stuff in my bag... had to lay that all out to dry as well, lol), but dad had to go to the hospital. We thought maybe he'd fractured something, but thankfully not.

On the way to the hospital, mom dropped me off at the Nation Tower, and I took the overhead bridge and went in to school. I was feeling pretty okay, no probz. Felt like I was ready to jump straight into drama prac, since I was nearly an hour late already. But when I saw my friends and Mr Philip, and they were all concerned and stuff, I nearly cried. I guess that's when I realized how stunned and scared I'd been. Not for myself; I was totally okay, physically. Just that I didn't like seeing dad hurt and in pain.

Ah, and now I understand why, in one scene from our play when Jo is feeling sad, Laurie invites her to "run down this hill with me". Cuz I was having trouble settling down to act. Like, I couldn't talk without my voice shaking. But then Mr Philip asked us all to go take a run around the soccer field, and it felt like a miracle. Within the next few minutes, I was back to being me, and laughing and fooling around and being crazy with my drama people.

We went through our scenes. I think I'm doing pretty well in terms of memorizing; I didn't have to ask for my lines much. It was amazing how great drama made me feel again after the unfortunate, un-routine event that had taken place earlier. Love you guys. =)

The rest of the day, in light of this morning, seem pretty normal and not worth reporting, so I shall end off here. Once again I praise God for His protection. Phew. =}